The benefits of a breakup

Of all things in life, I understand one thing to be true: change is constant. While this may ring good or bad in the eyes of the beholder, change exists no matter what we do or how hard we try to keep things solid.

As my mom always sang to me, “Everything comes and goes, marked by lovers and styles of clothes.”

Unfortunately for so many of us, change can come in the form of a breakup. There’s nothing quite as devastating as losing your first love, and I’m convinced it’s something we don’t get over for a long, long time. First loves leave a deep impact not only on our memories, but on our souls. Whether they were good or bad people, it doesn’t matter. It’s what they represented that counts.

Going through my first breakup was devastating, for lack of a less-dramatic word. I have no idea what he went through, but it hurt me to my core. When the agonizing fate of a breakup happens, you can physically feel your heart breaking. Your chest hurt. Your eyes well up. It’s more than just an emotional experience, it’s physical pain in some instances.

But this blog isn’t intended to discuss the doomsday elements of a breakup. I want to touch on the benefits to a breakup.

While breakups are painful and certainly change us, they don’t necessarily have to be a completely negative experience. Oftentimes, we find our true character from enduring this sort of pain. It’s a learning experience that simply can’t be taught in any other way than hands-on.

Here are some ways your breakup might actually *benefit* you.

1) It will cut ties and allow you the freedom to follow your dreams, no matter which path that may take you.

2) It gives you the power to explore. Talk to new people. Go on dates. Experience new things. Your perspective will be transformed after you “live a little” and experience new people. I truly believe that I wouldn’t be half of what I am today without my dating experiences, both good and bad. Not to mention, it makes for some pretty entertaining stories.

3) It will give you time to reflect on your own life. What do YOU want. Where do you see YOUR future? Map it out. Write it down. Stow it away. You can always reference it later on. I did this after my first breakup, and I still consult with those original “dreams” I wrote down to make sure I am staying true to myself.

4) It allows you to get closer with friends and family who can aid you on a deeper level. It sucks to feel pain, but allowing your friends and family inside your shell will open the doors of communication. You’ll see your relationships transform to something deeper and more meaningful. You’ll *never* forget the people who get you through hard times.

5) It leads you down the right road. Perhaps it’s my own beliefs, but I stand by the notion that everything happens for a reason. If you break up with someone, it’s because there is another path you should be taking. Whether that’s another, better person in your future, or a life of success that requires more of your time, I don’t know… but there’s a reason. Sometimes you just have to have a little trust in the universe.

6) Epic troubles make for epic lives. When did you ever hear of a truly remarkable person never having hard times? They wouldn’t be truly remarkable without their struggles. Remember that when you’re going through something tough. You. Are. Remarkable.

7) Breakups bring out positivity. When you breakup with someone all you want to do is feel happy and whole again. To do that, you’ll look for anything. Whether it’s in music, or in activities, or in spirituality… whatever.. seek and you shall find. It’s amazing what creativity and peace of mind can come from an otherwise devastating situation.

8 ) You’ll learn how to be you. As in, you’ll learn how to exist on your own without depending on anyone else to make you happy. There is nothing more freeing than knowing that no one but you controls your happiness. No one.

While you may not see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, you’ll get there. Time heals all wounds and, in time, you’ll feel renewed and cherish where life has taken you. Never look back in regret, and remember that happiness is an inward struggle that we all have to learn to conquer. There are no exceptions to that rule, I assure you.

  • Amanda

    wow jess I definitely could have used this info a little less than a year ago! Wish I didn’t leave FL though in the misdt of breakup emotions….